Looking in the mirror
by Locele
Summary: two months after season finale. What do scars mean to the woman who sees them in the mirror


**Just a little story about Jane seeing herself. Please remember that English is not my mother language and that I am dislectic.**

Standing before the mirror she looked at her own body. She was naked and the candlelight gave her body a little more curves and shadowes. It was late at night. She was the only one awake. Her dog sleeping and her friend in her bedroom. But she had crawled out of bed. Shed off her clothing and now inspected herself.

The bandage had come off. Her body seemed normal again though she knew it would never be normal again. Slowly she looked from her eyes to her neck. Tracing the faint line of a scar there. She sighed, cursing the man that did that to her. As she traced the line she saw the scar on her hand.

Closing her eyes she could remember the pain. The pain of having your hands pinned to the ground by two scalpels. As she opened her eyes she saw the lonely tear fall down her body. Her eyes lowered to her breast. small but firm. She sighed and let her eyes wonder lower to the new scar.

It was still red. Stitches just out that day. It was bigger than she had imagined. Her body shivered as she remembered the pain… the shot… everything stopping around her. As she touched the scar she hissed. It still hurt. Her body still hurt. It had only been two months ago. Two long months spending in a hospital. First in a coma which made her run for her money. After that laying in bed. Taken care of. She had hated that. Good thing her brother had been right beside her.

Her brother. She couldn't help but feel cold at the thought of almost losing him… or wait, was she feeling cold because she was standing in her bathroom naked before her mirror? What did it matter. She had almost lost him. She had almost lost her little brother. She forced herself to trace the ugly red scar again.

She turned her body a little. Groaning in effort because of her muscles protesting and saw the other scar. On her back. This scar was smaller… where the bullet had left her body. She could see it… she couldn't reach it but it hurt just as much as the one on her stomach did.

She thought back. How could a cop have turned on his own? How could he have… why? She didn't have the answers. She would never have them. He had been sick and smart. But she had taken him down in the end. Almost dragging herself along.

Now that she stood here before the mirror she sighed. Those scars represented her past. Which she would never forget. But where the scars on her hands and neck were a reminder to what could happen again, the one on her stomach and back were those she kept as a warning not to fool with her or her family.

She heard movement in her bedroom. As she thought about her best friend laying there she shuddered. When she had run out of the building the shooter could easily have pointed its weapon at her and shot her. Luckily she herself had been faster. She couldn't think about what would have happened if he had done that.

All in all though. She was lucky to be alive. Her mother had yelled at her and had hugged her after. Too happy that she was alive and too angry at her for doing something so stupid. How could she have done it? She didn't know herself. All she had known was that she couldn't have let her brother die… or anyone else. She had just snapped and acted. That was her job wasn't it?

She didn't feel the cold anymore. Her body did though. Goosebumps were all over her arms and legs. she suddenly was in the dark. She had been standing there for an hour and the candle had gone out. She lit another one and moved back to the mirror. Seeing herself. Asking herself why.

"Jane?" she heard a gentle voice ask from behind her.

She turned around. Maura. Her best friend stood there watching her naked body. Without shame, without lust. Just analyzing her. Just seeing her body as it was. Without realizing it she felt tears roll down her cheeks as she let herself be watched. "they are so ugly" she whispered sadly.

Maura smiled and took the blanket which was wrapped around her shoulders and walked to her friend. "Jane, they make you who you are. They are not ugly" she said.

Jane smiled and turned back to see herself in the mirror. Now with the blanket around her shoulders she felt the cold she hadn't felt a few minutes ago. "I was so scared" she admitted to Maura and to herself. "I know… I was too. I thought I lost you"

"I couldn't lose you or Frankie"

"I know. You ready looking?"

She nodded. She traced her neck one last time. Maura was right. These scars made her who she was. A cop… and a woman fighting for her family and friends. They were a reminder to her. A reminder to never mess with Jane Rizzoli

**What do you think? please review**


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